Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Things have been really difficult lately. My granddad (Gong Gong) passed away last night after being hospitalised for the past week. The last time I visited him, I thought he would get better... but I was wrong. His condition deteriorated at such an alarming rate that I could barely recognise him last night. His face was swollen and blackened grotesquely as his ears, eyes and mouth were covered in thick crisps of blood. He was bleeding profusely.

Gong Gong was diagnosed with a rare, chronic blood disease (Progressive Systemic Scleroderma or Systemic Sclerosis) several years ago and lately, the virus in him flared. Also, after taking a wrong prescription, his health went downhill in a week. The disease affected his blood vessels and internal organs. His white blood cells were extremely low and large areas of his skin was swollen and peeling away. The fat and muscle wastage weakened his limbs and caused his face to swell up. I could no longer tell that he was my grandfather. Besides that, due to his heavy smoking, his lungs and kidneys were severely damaged as well.

Gong Gong's was on the verge of death and in a lot of pain. The only thing that was keeping him with us was the aid of the life support system. It pains me to see him suffer like that. I tried calling out to him but he could barely respond. I grew speechless and simply stood there; gazing at his grotesque features, peering behind all the tubes that were connected to his body through the mouth.

I heard people around me talking about taking away his life support as the doctors could no longer help him. I was devastated. I couldn't bear to see Gong Gong's life come to an end just like that. I fled the hospital and went to Georges to drown my sorrows. I was weeping as I poured the whisky into my glass continuously. I didn't want to go back home. My abode was the last place that I wanted to be at, but I had to leave before midnight as I was worrying K.

On my journey home, I was wailing like a baby. I climbed into bed as soon as I got back, and began flooding my pillow. K came over to my place after work to keep me company. I really appreciated his presence. I don't know how I would ever managed to get through the night without him.

At the wake, it saddens me to see my great grandfather weeping over my grandfather's corpse. My mom, aunts, cousins and siblings cried hysterically. The scene was absolutely bleak and depressing. I honestly don't know how I'm gonna deal with the cremation on Wednesday...

Love,
Brenda.
11/07/2006 12:02:00 AM