Saturday, November 04, 2006

A symphony of roses and sweet perfume in the air... Carried upon wings of love, heartfelt words I yearn to share. A cornucopia of feelings I have churning inside me but, it seems like none of it actually matters as he is not convinced.

"You're not capable of love" he tells me.

It's true. I've never been in love and I was never fond of anyone pass the superficial level. So what is happening to me now? Frankly, the whole situation scares me. I find myself caring a lot more than I usually would for anyone. I think of him constantly. Is this what the infamous love is like!? I am not perfect. I am a far cry from any form of perfection. I know the limitations to what a person like me can have. Hence, I do not expect what I feel to be reciprocated. I just wish that he could believe how much he means to me when I say it. I am capable of love... I am...

It hurts knowing that I am perceived as someone to be apathetic and indifferent, especially coming from someone that has a place in my heart. I know very well that our time together hasn’t been long but is what I’m feeling inside a mistake? I will never cheat on him and would most definitely not sleep with other men. And I am not going to dump him in 5 weeks! I wish he could trust me on that. Truth is, I am rather insecure. I reckon I don't know heaps of stuff about him. He's not telling me things I feel... I'm afraid that he might decide that I much too young for him and that he would leave me.
I really do like him...

During the traffic accident that I was involved on Thursday night, he was all that I could think of. I was afraid that I might never see him again. As unbelievable as it may seem, I can't be more honest. I was startled and frightened after the accident. My eyes were welled up in tears. I couldn't stop crying. And only after he came to see me, I began to calm myself down. I appreciate his every concern and I was moved when he said he would spend the night with me. I can't thank him enough for showering me with his care and concern thus far. No one's ever been so good to me. I pray that what we have right now would continue to blossom and not begin to wither like the white champagne roses that he got me. I tried keeping the roses alive as long as I could. They were doing well and blooming for days... but now? I suppose their time is about to arrive to an end.