Friday, March 09, 2007

My great grandmother passed away four nights ago. I rushed to the hospital with my mom upon receiving the horrible news. We didn't make it in time though. We were five minutes too late. I thought she was asleep and crept in to take a look. It was later when my aunt told me that she had passed on before we arrived.

The grieving did not occur immediately. I seemed to have slipped into a daze. I left the hospital to meet the only person that I thought could safe me from any form of depressive state. I did not cry when I saw him. But, when we almost got home, I broke and sunk in a pool of tears.

Great grandma was gone. And grandpa too... Just four months ago. Age and illnesses have got the better of them. I cringe at the fragility of life. I would never think that there will ever come a day when I would see them for one last time. What sickens me is that I had never appreciated their presence when I saw them. I feel disgusting.

Beep. Beep. Beep… The monitor next to that old wrinkled person portrays the dying heartbeat clearly. Family and relatives crowd around the bed with watery eyes ready to stream down their cheeks. Everyone clenching a piece of Kleenex, some already using them...

Before the very last beep, everyone shrieks and wail uncontrollably. I ran away. It was a cowardice act. I never saw grandpa again and I will live to remember that.

Tonight's great grandmother’s funeral... I am sitting in bed contemplating if I should go. I detest such events and I'm feeling sick. Or, perhaps I am merely using that as an excuse. I can't explain what I am exactly feeling now. Probably fear... I don’t know how I’ll react later.

Love,
Brenda.
3/09/2007 10:58:00 AM