Thursday, April 26, 2007

I can’t breathe. My heart is aching tremendously. I’m trying really hard to stay strong, but I seem to be falling apart. I wish I could tell him. I wish I could lean on him and not add onto the leaden weight that he's carrying.

How am I supposed to tell him that I was three weeks pregnant and miscarried? I can’t bring myself to say anything that would distract him from his work. I don’t want to give him more problems. I don’t want to be a burden. Besides that, I'm afraid of his reaction. Would he be glad or upset? What would he think? I'm filled with uncertainties. I love him so much.

I hate putting on this pseudo front before retreating back to my own solitude, only to weep and grieve by myself. It’s like death all over.

I lost the baby before I knew for sure that I was pregnant. Now that I know, I feel horrible. And seeing how Kenneth's been under so much pressure and feeling depressed, I can't bring myself to tell him.

Love,
Brenda.
4/26/2007 08:00:00 PM