Wednesday, May 16, 2007

I am completely and utterly drained. I do not have the strength to endure another death in the family. It seems every year since 2004, there would be at least two deaths. This time, in less than six months, I lost grandpa and great grandma. Now, a dear uncle’s on the verge of heading six feet under. The doctors say in the best case scenario, he’s got a month left. And, my uncle is not exactly the best case scenario. His lungs are failing at a rapid rate.

Ling thinks I'm jinxed... But, I reckon my entire family's just EXTREMELY UNFORTUNATE AND UNLUCKY. -.-"

I visited my uncle last night. He’s been reduced to a bony stature. Pale, fragile and weak, he could barely get up on his own. I stood by his bed motionless. I didn’t know how to react. Looking at the life support machine, moments before my grandfather’s death began to haunting the corners of my mind. I managed to snap out of before tears started flowing. In my attempt to flush those images out, stupidly, I began cracking jokes at the fart noises that my uncle was making as oxygen escapes from the tightly strapped mask on his face. My sister stared at me like I was some sort of lunatic. She thought I was insensitive.

“No more tears” words I repeated over and over in my head. Convincing myself to be strong enough must be achieved before the inevitable happens. I can’t afford to fall over now. Not now. I must prove that I can take care of myself. I am much stronger. I can be there for him and not cause more problems or adding on to the amount of pressure he’s bearing. I will not allow myself to become a leaden weight once again.

Love,
Brenda.
5/16/2007 03:42:00 AM